Being a good parent after separation? Yes, it’s possible!

Parenthood is a lifelong commitment. Most of us don’t want to be just “good enough” parents – we want to be the best we can be. And that applies not only when the family functions as a whole, but also when the relationship between two adults ends. Because, as the saying goes: “Once a parent, always a parent.”

Our legal status with the other parent has no effect on what kind of parent we are. We remain parents regardless of whether we are married, unmarried, or divorced – whether we live together or separately. Of course, the form of living arrangements affects the way we parent, but it shouldn’t affect the quality of our parenting.

What does parenting include?

Parenting isn’t only about daily care, feeding, dressing, and homework. It’s primarily about our ability to care for and raise a child. Parental competences also include the ability to respect the other parent as an educator, to encourage children to maintain a positive relationship with them, and to keep personal conflicts separate from parenting itself.

Parents separate because they stop understanding each other as partners. Even when they cease to be partners, they remain parents. So, how good a parent I am also depends on what kind of relationship I maintain with the other parent. That may sound illogical, right? And yet, that’s the foundation for building the future even after a family separation – respect, transparency, cooperation, goodwill, and shared responsibility for our children.

It can be said that parenting includes not only how we behave toward our children, but also how we behave toward the other parent. For someone who has just gone through a breakup, this may be a difficult idea to grasp. But it can help to ask ourselves: what does it actually mean to have a good relationship after separation? It’s probably unrealistic to expect our relationship to be better than when we lived together – at least not right away. But even a relationship based on basic respect and functional communication is extremely valuable for both the children and the parents’ peace of mind.

How can we maintain a good relationship after separation?

That’s a question most parents in this situation ask. And yes, there is an answer – even if it’s not simple.

The key is to separate the partnership from the parenting relationship. The former has ended, but the latter continues. As long as our children need us, we will remain parents together. The quality of how we function as co-parents after separation directly affects how our children feel and develop.

A good relationship between parents after separation is built on mutual respect; on transparency – where parents share information about their children without having to ask repeatedly; on goodwill to find shared solutions instead of blame; and on the understanding that both parents share responsibility for their children, no matter how their partnership ended.

These principles aren’t just ideals. They can be learned, practiced, and maintained over time – and that’s exactly what the Shared Parenting program was created for.

What is Shared Parenting?

Shared Parenting is an educational and support program for parents and children experiencing family separation. It’s based on the idea that to maintain a healthy relationship after separation, it’s essential to put the child’s needs above personal conflicts. The key is not to see each other as opponents but as a team that continues to share responsibility for raising the child, even after ending their partnership.

The program offers practical advice and support for both parents. You can find a clear and comprehensive guide for parents on its website: www.sdilenerodicovstvi.cz

What helps when parents have different views?

Separation doesn’t stop parents from having different opinions. These may differ, for example, on parenting approaches, child support, or a child’s future direction. Goodwill helps bridge these differences through consensus and in the child’s best interest.

We also need to remember that respect doesn’t appear by itself – it reflects how we behave. If we act fairly and kindly, we’ll receive respect in return. If we act constructively, we’ll receive goodwill. If we speak positively about the other parent in front of our children, they’ll do the same.

Everyone benefits – but especially our children.

Separation as the beginning of a new chapter in parenting

A breakup doesn’t end the parenting role. On the contrary – it begins a new, often more challenging phase. As psychologist Prof. PhDr. Radek Ptáček, Ph.D., says:

“A child can handle the situation if the parents can handle their conflict.”

It’s a challenge. But challenges often shape us the most. If we can overcome this one, it will bring the greatest benefit not only to us – but above all to our children.

Photo: Barbora Jiranová